A woman stuck on Earth

I had been struggling with recurring UTIs (Urinary Tract Infections) for years. One trick that worked for me for a while was to "pee within 10 minutes after any sexual activity"; a PCP gave me that advice in my mid-20s. ​However, over the past two years, even though I strictly followed this preventative hygiene ritual, I still experienced symptoms abnormally often. I dealt with a frequent urge to urinate, a burning sensation while peeing, and an inability to hold my urine -- yet my urine cultures often came back negative for bacterial infection. I was chronically troubled, lacking both a reasonable explanation and a foreseeable path to recovery. ​During my most recent OBGYN visit, I discussed this further with the Nurse Practitioner. At the time, "overstimulation" was the most likely cause I could think of. Based on that, the nurse suggested that "while stimulating the clitoral area, stay a little higher so as not to disturb the urethra." She also pointed ...

The scene of Alex Pretti's murder has been stuck in my mind since yesterday, turning into a nightmare, much like the scene of Renee Good's murder and the countless lives lost and the families shattered by ICE since last year.  I keep asking "Why?" even though the answer has been clear since the day this country has chosen a leader like that. ​When you are born into freedom, it is easy to take it for granted. But as someone who knows the weight of China’s history, I recognize the cruel truth: once rights are stripped away, it takes generations of sacrifice to win them back - if they return at all. ​I have gone through many ups and downs, and for a long time. I once believed I could retreat into a quiet life, unbothered by the storms of the world. But aloofness is a luxury we can no longer afford. We are witnessing a "make or break" moment that will define the lives of generations to come. ​Democracy and the rule of law are all that stand between a life of dig...

I started learning Hindi online with a teacher based in Delhi. She had already been teaching my children Hindi for a year or two, and since we returned from India in July of this year, I decided to join them. The teacher is a lovely woman in her mid-thirties. She balances a day job as a primary school teacher with earning extra income by teaching Hindi online to students worldwide. I recall that during the free conversation section of our first three to five classes, when the discussion turned to my husband, she specifically taught me to use a respectful "you" pronoun for him. In India, it is a social norm to use the respectful "you" pronoun for elders, men, and people of importance in general. She explained that a wife should use this respectful "you" when referring to her husband, and children should use it for their father. In general, all men - fathers, grandfathers, uncles, brothers, and even random men in the street - should be referred to using this...

My sister-in-law and I first expressed interest in pole and strip dancing last year. Berkeley, where she lives, had pole dancing studios, but my town did not. Typically, pole dancing studios can only be found in large American cities or densely populated medium-sized towns. One of my new friends, whom I call "My Greek Goddess," has been practicing pole dancing for years. She truly lives up to the name: gorgeous, tall, strong, smart, and possessing a perfect athlete's body - complete with sculpted shoulder muscles! She recently showed us a video of her pole dancing recital with her husband; watching them felt like watching two Olympic champion gymnasts - it was a sight to behold. I had since carried the aspiration to "learn pole dancing one day." Then, completely by accident, I found out a pole dancing studio had just opened in my town! After one trial class, I dove in headfirst! Why do I like it? It's a form of dancing, but not "dancing-dancing." I...

My body is sensitive; in some seasons, I experience recurring UTIs. At my primary physician's office, I was usually seen by her nurse practitioner, an Iranian woman in a hijab. For years, I kept an open mind and an open heart with her, pretending that she was acting professionally and providing helpful treatments and tips. Her comments sometimes included: "Don't have sex for a few months; that's the only solution to your recurring UTI problem," "Touching could cause UTIs too," "Now you are forcing me to know about your life," "Don't wear thongs; it moves around and brings bacteria to the front," and "I can't order you tests unless you have symptons and you have to come to the office so I can order the test."  It wasn't until I transferred all of my private-part care to my OB-GYN's office that I realized how unprofessional those comments were. My OB-GYN is a Vietnamese man who knows exactly what he needs to kn...

The doorbell rang while my parents were downstairs watching a loud TV show. I was upstairs, waxing myself. My mom opened the door, called out to me, and it seemed most likely that someone had come to the door for something other than a delivery. I quickly wrapped myself in a robe and went out of my bedroom. A young black man was standing at the door. I didn't intend to go downstairs, knowing I wouldn't need his service. Leaning on the stair frame and looking down at the front door, I told him that we had just done an "upside-down, inside-out" remodeling last year. "You speak Mandarin, right? Y'all Chinese?" The Black guy lifted his head and smiled at me. His teeth were so white, and his dimples were so cute. Gosh, he was an attractive young man. "Yeah!" "I just got this girlfriend from China." "Oh, yeah? You learning Mandarin, too?" I was engaging in the conversation. "Yeah, yeah! I am going to China soon, to Shanghai....

I love sex as much as I love dining out and traveling. One thing that pops up in my mind once in a while is: Will I still be able to enjoy it or be capable of it after menopause? I've never learned anything about this specifically, but it's "common knowledge" that a woman's time is up before, and definitely after, menopause. ​And yes, it's still not too urgent for me to conduct a thorough research on this topic or involve AI. I've only been asking around whenever I get a chance. ​I've asked my mom and female friends who have gone through this. No one had an answer. I only got to learn about many scary menopause symptoms, such as mood swings, painful joints, hot flashes, and sleepless nights. Most women can't say much about sex. ​Then I met this gorgeous woman, a friend of a friend, who was in her 60s. I took the chance and started the inquiry. What I learned from her is going to change my experience in older age for sure. ​According to her, old...